I forgive you.

My topic has to do with unforgiveness. I was married for 23 years to a very selfish man. Every time he did something to disappoint me I would forgive him. Through the years I learned that forgiving him only gave him the passport to do more wrong. So I decided that I was never going to forgive him. Each time his selfishness would come out, I would hang on to my pain and my anger. My pain and anger intensified. Eventually we divorced and I felt free. Well, I thought I was free, until later when I met my new husband and realized that although he was a very generous and loving man, if he did the slightest thing to make me upset I would blow up at him, or I would break up with him. However small the crime was that he committed I realized that he was paying the price from my previous marriage and all of his selfish crimes. I prayed that God would point me in the right direction and God made it very clear that I had unforgiveness in my heart that had to be taken care of.

In my readings I learned that unforgiveness causes many, emotional as well as physical ailments. I always thought that the offender must apologize profusely in order for me to forgive them and even then, I wouldn't. I would hold on to the pain in order to cause my husband more pain. The argument could go on for days. I realize that I must let go of the offense. There doesn't have to be an apology. The mind is a powerful thing. The ego wants us to believe that it has our best interest, but it doesn't. The ego tells us things like, "how dare he do that" your ex used to do that", "if you forgive him, he's going to do it again", he's just like your ex", but these aren't truths, these phrases just keep us in the pain and it builds up our hurts. I must quiet the voice of my ego inside and speak my own truths, which are far from the latter.

The choice is mine. I can choose to hang on to the offense which was just human imperfection, or let go of it and love the man that wants to love me. I choose to forgive!

Each morning I ask myself. Do I want conflict or do I want peace of mind and then throughout the day I do the things and say the things that create peace with my husband, my friends, my co workers...yes...I stumble, but I also forgive myself and get on with my life and my happiness.

Forgiving does not mean that you are okay with the bad behavior, or that you will allow anyone to treat you badly, it only means that you're not going to let it eat away at you, that you are going to let it go so that you can get on with your happiness. I find that the more I do this, the more my ego works for me and not against me. I am getting to know who I am more and more and am really loving myself more than ever. Peoples' actions don't bother me anymore and I am able to really enjoy each moment and not worry about what everyone else is doing or thinking.

I forgave my ex husband for all of his selfishness and released all of my pain from that, so that I can live freely with my new husband and love him for who he is.

Forgiveness has given me true freedom and happiness.

The books I read were "Forgiveness" by Gerald g. Jampolsky, M.D. and "Love is letting go of fear" also by the same author. I strongly recommend these books. They are transforming my life, one day at a time.