A "Different" Kind of Love Story

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - "Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it always trusts. Love never fails".

We have all the the "fairy tales" read to us as young girls. My particular favorite was always "Cinderella". But they are basically all the same......we are fed the belief that one day our Prince Charming will swoop in on his white horse and ride off into the sunset happily ever after. What that in essence teaches us is that we as women need to be rescued and our happiness is dependant upon another person giving that to us.

I used to believe that until about 10 years ago - the day my divorce was final and my life dramatically changed.

It wasn't until about 2 year into my marriage that the physical abuse began. Before that things "seemed" to be fine, or i just chose to ignore all the red flags. Then came the control factors: not telling me where he was going, how long he would be gone, etc. It was always "none of my business" or "what's wrong with you? why don't you trust me" - trying to make me seem like the bad guy. Even worse was my fear of even asking. Afraid i would end up against the wall again with his hands around my throat, or the back of his hand across my jaw only to find myself on the floor with him beating my head against the floor. For years this went on and somewhere embedded deep inside of me was this voice saying, "you made a commitment, your married, you have to make this work". What I was REALLY afraid of was quitting and being judged as a failure.

Once i began working part-time and our 2 year old was in daycare i began having my own independence which changed everything for me. My commitment shifted and i began realizing my true talents and potential and was being promoted rapidly. It was one exhausting afternoon near Thanksgiving that i heard a different "voice". I layed down to take a nap and out of a dead sleep i heard this voice that woke me up immediately. I thought someone was in my house or he was home. It said, "Get up and go into the office!" I walked into that room and headed straight for his cigar box. That was where i found the drugs.

I don't know why i suddenly didn't care what would happen to me but i flushed all of it. I was so infuriated at the thought of drugs in my home, in the next room to where my little boy slept every night. Knowing that he would probably go crazy once he went looking for them and couldn't find them i mentally prepared myself for the worst. When i came home from work, my key didn't work - the locks had been changed. All my clothes were cut into pieces and in garbage bags, all the phones were hidden so i couldn't call anyone and i didn't own a cell phone. I remained calm, lied and said i forgot my purse down in the car and i would be right back. That was when i set my own pride aside and drove the police station, walked in and said, "I need help".

It was hard starting my life over, but i told myself that i would rather live my life on my terms than to live a life like this and have my son grow up in this environment.

After 7 years and several attempts of dating i met the person i was finally willing to take my heart down off the shelf, and dust it off for. He was everything i had ever wished for - good looking, funny, independent, owned his own home, had two beautiful boys and went to church every Sunday. Perfect, right?!

We became engaged later that year and i was on cloud nine! Until the verbal abuse started.... and it brought back every emotional trigger from my previous marriage you could imagine. The worst part was i began blaming myself for his behavior. What did i do for him to behave this way? What did i say to make him so hateful towards me? My son? HIS sons? How can he hold my hand in church every Sunday and then stand over me in our own home yelling and screaming at me, telling me I am worthless? When did become a racist? My heart was shattered. All of the trust, belief, faith i had in him was gone. Our children were equally as devasted.

Christmas 2009 i finally said, "NO MORE". I threw my engagment ring at him, packed up my son and what little belongings i had left, got in my SUV and drove back to Tennessee to be with family and friends. NO job, NO place to live and very little money. But being a strong woman and having faith in God i knew we would be ok. Within 30 days i was hired by the State of Tennessee, had a beautiful condo next door to the house i grew up in, and my son was voted MVP his freshman year on his high school tennis team.

I know that I am guided by God and many angels on a daily basis. I have no doubt that 2011 is going to be the start of my best years ahead of both my son and I.

Corinthians 13:4 has a very different meaning to me now. Patience, kindness, trust are all gifts that i give to myself FIRST. I am not envious of others because i am not married, or not in a relationship. The relationship i have is with myself - to love myself first before always putting others needs ahead of my own.

Cheers to all of you that love and believe in yourself!!!!! Never quit! Never settle!! Be what God wants for you and your lives!! Be exceptional and amaze yourself. "Love never fails".